Watching For Our Rainbow

I’m pregnant!

I’ve been very hesitant this time around, not because I don’t want to share and let people in but because I’m tired from sharing the same news with no different outcomes.

I wanted to protect myself a little more this time around.

And in a way I feel like people may be tired of reading the same stories from me.

But then I remember that my post could help comfort someone going through the same exact thing right now and maybe they wouldn’t feel as alone as I do.

So, what’s going on you ask??

As I’m sure a lot of you know I have been struggling since last year (June 2016) to become pregnant with our fourth and final baby.

I’ve had two miscarriages in the last year and a lot of ups and downs.

Since the last loss in December we have been trying to conceive every month and not been sucessful.

I’ve used ovulations kits, pre seed, and bought more pregnancy tests than I can remember or like to admit.

July came and I gave up, I stopped the ovulation tests and told myself it just wasn’t going to happen right now and I was ready to focus on other things.

 With three kids I stay pretty busy anyway and the stress and disappointment of the negative tests month after month were really affecting my mood.

 I don’t want this experience to take away anything from my kids, I need all the good energy I can have for them.

Naturally after giving up in July I took a pregnancy test August 1st just two days before my expectant period and there it was.

The faintest little line I might have ever saw.

Greg thought I was crazy and thought my mind was seeing things, haha.

Later than night I took another test and it was definitely there but still very faint.

Nothing abnormal when you find out early on that you’re pregnant.

That week I went in for blood work because I am high risk now from the miscarriages.

She took HCG levels, and a lot of other tests and immediately had me start baby aspirin once a day with my prenatal.

After receiving my HCG results the next day they were only 17.

17 is super low for HCG so my DR and I both assumed the worst, I thought I was experiencing a chemical.

The next two weeks I went in about every other day for blood work and tests and got my rhogam shot.

My HCG numbers were doubling like the should be although they were on the lower end of HCG they were doing what they should be!

My hope was coming back for this baby.

I went in for an ultrasound and there was nothing on the screen because my HCG was too low to see anything still but my DR wanted to check for ectopic or any other possible issues.

We did see a small sub-chronic hemorrhage and that was all.

My DR and I discussed that it’s very possible I ovulated late and that I would be about 6 days behind what I would be if I ovulated regular.

A week later we took a break from blood work and just waited for another ultrasound to see if this baby was progressing.

Greg and I went in the appointment prepared for the worst, as awful as it sounds I didn’t want to go in thinking everything was okay because thats what would hurt the most for me.

It was my way of shielding my heart from the heartache and shock that I’ve experienced before.

The ultrasound started and there it was, the sac and yolk sac that wasn’t there a week ago!

Bad news, there was also a lot of fluid around it which was the sub-chronic hemorrhage.

So we’re in the waiting game once again, have I mentioned this has been the longest month ever?

I’m hoping for the best but I know that its very possible the hemorrhage can cause the miscarriage.

In a perfect world I did ovulate late and my pregnancy is right where it should be right now and my body will absorb this hemorrhage on it’s own.

For now I am taking it day by day and impatiently waiting for my next ultrasound in two weeks to check on this little baby of mine.

Send all the good vibes, thoughts and prayers our way!

We’re going to keep watching for our little rainbow.

XO

Amber

 

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