As I type this and sip on my cold coffee that I really want to reheat but I know that any movement or sounds from me will attract the already occupied (for just a few minutes I’m sure) kids! Oh, look here comes Rowan arms held up for me to grab her so she can hit all the keys and click all the buttons, oh wait, never mind Mickey Mouse won her attention back.
Okay…back to me and that week I almost killed my marriage!
Last week I built a wall in my marriage. It was a stubborn ass wall and it was built by both of us. It was a hard week of marriage for us and I see so much clearer looking back now. All the things we should have done differently and all of the mistakes we both made. We are now taking those mistakes and turning them into learning lessons. For a moment we forgot about the team we are and we made each other the enemy. Instead of going to my husband and telling him why I’m pissed and hurt I shut down, kept quiet and texted my people. We broke all the rules and I believe it changed our marriage forever.
If you’ve followed my blog you know how hard this last year has been. So many losses and ups and downs but one thing that has stayed strong has always been my marriage. We value our marriage and want our children to know what true love really looks like even on the bad days. When we suddenly lost our dog a couple of weeks ago something happened to us and it hurt. I felt angry and resentful. Those emotions shut me down. I felt like we weren’t on the same page and I couldn’t understand why his sadness didn’t look like mine. Not realizing that it’s okay to feel differently. It’s okay that he didn’t have the same reaction as I did. The anger and resentment caused us to both snap at each other and from there we put our backs to each other and I felt like there was no coming back. After a good conversation and us both letting our guards down we were able to reconnect and understand each other better! Communication is EVERYTHING.
Marriage isn’t easy. It takes so much work from both sides. It takes forgiveness and a listening ear that will accept your feelings and be there to hold your hand through it all. It’s okay to not be strong together at times that’s why you have a partner! To help you when you’re down and help pick each other back up. When you work together as a team your marriage grows stronger and you feel like you could move mountains together!
Going forward in our marriage we know that there will always be tough times ahead. I am grateful for this recent rough patch because it helped us to reconnect. It helped me open my eyes a little more and realize that the actions I was taking could actually kill my marriage in the long run. Without the hard times that test every ounce in our bodies we would never grow. These tough times are here for a reason, they’re here to strengthen us and help us learn from each other and move forward. From now on I choose us. I choose to focus on our marriage more than ever. So, here we are nearing the 5 year mark. Feeling stronger than before and knowing that our marriage will never be perfect but we will always be a perfect work in progress.