The waiting game

I’ve been meaning to post for a while now but I have had ZERO motivation lately.

On top of having no motivation I’ve really had no time either!

It’s been two full weeks of random appointments and lab work.

There’s just so much so I am going to start from the beginning and try to explain the best way that I can.

Once you go to so many appointments and all of the calls from your Doctor it all starts to kind of blend in together.

I can’t complain though because there are so many women out there that go through all of this for years and years.

I’m just getting a little peek into what they go through for years.

Ok so here we go..

Last week I had my follow up HCG draw. (HCG is the pregnancy hormone that should double every 48 hours in a healthy pregnancy)

My first draw was only 18. It was very early so that wasn’t a big deal.

So, my second draw I waited a few days to go back and get.

When I went the next week for the follow up they told me that my results would be back the next day.

So, I took the kids to karate and as I was sitting there not thinking of my results I got a call from my Doctor.

As soon as I answered the phone and it was my actual doctor and not a nurse my heart sank.

I walked outside because I couldn’t hear over all the “hi-ya’ing!” Haha.

When I stepped out she told me that my levels came back in the 400’s.

I think she said 435 but all I heard was 400 and I lost concentration.

I started to think a million thoughts as she was talking to me and telling me it could be a perfectly good number!

I didn’t hear her though. I kept thinking that 400 was way too low since I waited about 4 days to go back.

We ended the conversation and she told me all the right things that should have gave me more hope and made me feel better.

I went home that night and all I could think about was this baby.

The next day I went back in the office for more blood work to check HCG.

Then again that night I received another call from my Doctor! 

(Que my heart dropping to my butt AGAIN.)

This time when she called she said that my HCG only came back at a 1. Yes, a ONE.

Then she said that just can’t be! She was stumped. I was stumped.

She explained that she’s hoping and thinking that it was a lab error and that someone messed up because it is not possible for my HCG to drop that quickly even if I were having another miscarriage.

Then I told her I’m a crazy pee on a stick addict and I just took another pregnancy test the night before and it was a very fast and clear positive!

Now I’m left with another night of wonder. WHAT IS HAPPENING!?

She told me to go to the hospital the next day and get more labs there.

She was over stepping the lab techs in her office and just sending me to get them done at the hospital.

So here I go again getting more blood work the next morning.

By this point I now look like a drug addict from all the bruising on my arms from the needles.

My Doctor wasn’t in the office that day but she told me that she would call the hospital and check in that afternoon.

I swear that was the longest three hours ever!!!

My phone didn’t leave my hand until she called, haha!

Finally she called and said that my HCG is now 1500!

She said someone messed up in the lab and she is going to get to the bottom of it.

We both laughed and said it’s just my luck that something so random would happen to me! Funny but not funny all at the same time, haha!

I was just so happy that someone did mess up. That was all. Ha.

Fast forward to a few days later..

I woke up and just felt different.

I woke up and didn’t feel pregnant anymore.

Something in my body just felt off.

Due to having a previous miscarriage I just shrugged it off and didn’t mention it, in hopes that I’m just being paranoid.

Then a few hours later I started spotting.

I just knew it was happening again.

It was a Sunday so my Doctor’s office wasn’t open.

It was a very busy Sunday too.

We had family pictures that morning and I also had a maternity shoot to do that day.

What a good day to start spotting, huh?

The family pictures were an epic fail and the day was just not going great AT ALL.

I got through the maternity shoot better than I thought I would.

It actually helped take my mind off things for a bit.

Even though I was lightly cramping through it, it was nice to do something I love.

The next day I got into my Doctor’s office for an early ultrasound to see what is happening.

I try to always stay optimistic and hopeful in life.

This time was different, I just knew this baby was gone or on it’s way.

I didn’t want to feel that gut wrenching feeling that I felt the last time this happened.

I was prepared to see and empty sac on the ultrasound screen.

The ultrasound tech, nurse, OB in training, Greg and myself were all in this tiny room as quiet as could awkwardly be.

She began the ultrasound and we all held our breath and looked at the screen and there they were.

One sac WITH a yolk sac and another small sac with no yolk sac. OH MY LANTA.

I seen the second sac but didn’t say anything.

First thought was “what the f*ck is that!?”

To sum it up we have one healthy looking baby in there that they believe is measuring on track.

Since the other sac was empty my Doctor believes it could be a vanishing twin.

Also, my lovely Dr found out that it was a lab tech error with my labs that came back at 1.

She said they were actually 1100 that day, so when she read that in one day they went from 1100 to 1500, twins crossed her mind.

How crazy!?

We’re still in the dark about a lot of things because there was fluid in my uterus that could cause me to still miscarry.

We go back in another week for another ultrasound to see what is happening!

In a perfect world we will go back Monday and see a little heart beat and a tiny little baby possibly even two!

I don’t even know what to think or expect anymore I just know it is all out of my control.

There is something bigger out there that knows exactly what this plan is for us.

For now we wait.

XOXO

Amber

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