Sad News

Just wanted to update everyone that today at my follow up ultrasound it was confirmed we will be losing the baby again.

The past few days have been an emotional roller coaster for me because my pregnancy symptoms have quickly went away and I just knew something was off.

After a month of ups and downs and worries and lots and lots of google I’m at peace with the situation.

Not saying it’s easy at all but it is definitely easier for me to have already prepared myself for the worst which is what I did.

I am hopeful for the future and we think we might finally be able to get some answers.

This was my third loss in the last year and it doesn’t get any easier.

I feel hopeful that this loss will lead to some answers as to why this keeps happening to us.

I have an appointment with a hematologist next week to check some blood work.

This pregnancy my DR took lots of labs and the one lab that came back boarder line was the lupus anticoagulant test.

So, she is sending me to get that checked before looking into a reproductive specialist.

I’ve been doing a lot of research since my appointment today and trying to wrap my mind around the whole thing.

But that’s all I have for now until next week when I get to my other appointment.

I just wanted to give you all an update and thank you for the well wishes today!

It wasn’t our time again but I am hopeful that we will have answers soon and everything will work out.

Love you all!

XO

Amber

Pregnancy – Week 6

Hello, hello!

Here is my first official pregnancy update since announcing we were expecting our ((hopeful)) rainbow baby last week!

Since I haven’t been told an exact due date because we think I ovulated late I’m just going to go with saying I’m about 6 weeks 3 days along right now.

Should be 7 weeks 2 days going by my last cycle.

So far I’ve had symptoms but very different than my other three successful pregnancies.

I’m trying to not take that as a bad sign and just know that every single pregnancy is different and keep the hope for the baby and myself!

Symptoms include:

On and off nausea – More often when my stomach is empty.

Smell EVERYTHING – I can smell all the things! Let me just say the fair last night with all the cows and poop had me wanting to rip my nose off. Just imagine the smell x 10. Yuck!

Tired! – Okay, so the first two weeks after getting my positive pregnancy test I was exhausted. I even napped one day which is very rare for me.

Energy – This is a weird one, normally in the first few weeks of pregnancy is when you’re the most tired but since this last week I’ve actually had more energy during the day! It could be from having a new schedule and starting our day earlier and being productive. I’m not sure but I like it! My house likes it too because I’ve been getting so much done!

Boobs – They’re noticeably bigger! I’ll take it.

Insomnia – You suck. I completely forgot all about the early pregnancy insomnia that I had with Rowan! Like I don’t need my sleep or something?!

Cravings – I cannot tell you how many Philly cheesesteaks I’ve had in the last month from Penn Station. Banana peppers and Mayo, please! Another thing I’ve been craving are lots off veggies and soup! Yum. Basically if I’m not craving something I don’t even want to eat.

Dreams – Pregnancy dreams are weird. I’ll just leave that there.

I think thats’s about all right now that I can think of. I did have a lot of random cramping for a couple of weeks but all of that is completley normal. It just made me super nervous because of the sub chronic hemorrhage and the previous losses.

I’ve been trying to take it easy with the hemorrhage but with a busy life and three kids it’s easier said than done.

I haven’t spotted any or bled anymore recently like I’ve been expecting to so I’m really not sure what’s going to happen there or if maybe my body has already absorbed the bleed?

There’ so many unknowns at the moment until my next ultrasound next week which basically feels like a lifetime away. Haha.

That’s all I have for now! Thank you all for the love and support I’ve received!

There’s so many of you that have been on this ride with me this last year and its been so good knowing I have so many supporters and women that have been here.

 I’m so looking forward to sharing this whole journey on my blog and I’m hopeful that this little baby is going to grow!

GROW BABY GROW!

The fortune cookie I got last week that now hangs on the refrigerator with the ultrasound picture.

 

XO

Amber

Watching For Our Rainbow

I’m pregnant!

I’ve been very hesitant this time around, not because I don’t want to share and let people in but because I’m tired from sharing the same news with no different outcomes.

I wanted to protect myself a little more this time around.

And in a way I feel like people may be tired of reading the same stories from me.

But then I remember that my post could help comfort someone going through the same exact thing right now and maybe they wouldn’t feel as alone as I do.

So, what’s going on you ask??

As I’m sure a lot of you know I have been struggling since last year (June 2016) to become pregnant with our fourth and final baby.

I’ve had two miscarriages in the last year and a lot of ups and downs.

Since the last loss in December we have been trying to conceive every month and not been sucessful.

I’ve used ovulations kits, pre seed, and bought more pregnancy tests than I can remember or like to admit.

July came and I gave up, I stopped the ovulation tests and told myself it just wasn’t going to happen right now and I was ready to focus on other things.

 With three kids I stay pretty busy anyway and the stress and disappointment of the negative tests month after month were really affecting my mood.

 I don’t want this experience to take away anything from my kids, I need all the good energy I can have for them.

Naturally after giving up in July I took a pregnancy test August 1st just two days before my expectant period and there it was.

The faintest little line I might have ever saw.

Greg thought I was crazy and thought my mind was seeing things, haha.

Later than night I took another test and it was definitely there but still very faint.

Nothing abnormal when you find out early on that you’re pregnant.

That week I went in for blood work because I am high risk now from the miscarriages.

She took HCG levels, and a lot of other tests and immediately had me start baby aspirin once a day with my prenatal.

After receiving my HCG results the next day they were only 17.

17 is super low for HCG so my DR and I both assumed the worst, I thought I was experiencing a chemical.

The next two weeks I went in about every other day for blood work and tests and got my rhogam shot.

My HCG numbers were doubling like the should be although they were on the lower end of HCG they were doing what they should be!

My hope was coming back for this baby.

I went in for an ultrasound and there was nothing on the screen because my HCG was too low to see anything still but my DR wanted to check for ectopic or any other possible issues.

We did see a small sub-chronic hemorrhage and that was all.

My DR and I discussed that it’s very possible I ovulated late and that I would be about 6 days behind what I would be if I ovulated regular.

A week later we took a break from blood work and just waited for another ultrasound to see if this baby was progressing.

Greg and I went in the appointment prepared for the worst, as awful as it sounds I didn’t want to go in thinking everything was okay because thats what would hurt the most for me.

It was my way of shielding my heart from the heartache and shock that I’ve experienced before.

The ultrasound started and there it was, the sac and yolk sac that wasn’t there a week ago!

Bad news, there was also a lot of fluid around it which was the sub-chronic hemorrhage.

So we’re in the waiting game once again, have I mentioned this has been the longest month ever?

I’m hoping for the best but I know that its very possible the hemorrhage can cause the miscarriage.

In a perfect world I did ovulate late and my pregnancy is right where it should be right now and my body will absorb this hemorrhage on it’s own.

For now I am taking it day by day and impatiently waiting for my next ultrasound in two weeks to check on this little baby of mine.

Send all the good vibes, thoughts and prayers our way!

We’re going to keep watching for our little rainbow.

XO

Amber

 

Being in the thick of it & also loving it

Our life has been a little hectic lately.

A lot of things are happening and changing all around us and it’s a lot to take in at times.

Like they say, when it rains it pours.

As many of you know we just moved into a bigger house which also means a bigger mortgage, so then it would only make sense for Greg to get hurt at work right after we move, ha.

I’m not laughing at him but if you can’t laugh at these inconvenient times, well, what are ya gonna do? Right!?

I know we are not alone in these struggles!

His work will still be paying him so don’t freak out! Haha

We’re just unsure about the future right now.

I decided to look into going back to work and I had my first interview in about four years the other day!

I’m pretty excited about it and wish I could share more but I can’t right now!

Just know that the excitement is real and I really hope I get it, haha!

No matter the outcome though I know somehow things will always work out.

This is what life is all about, anyway.

The good, bad, stressful, hard, sad, overwhelming, happy times!

Adult-ing at it’s finest.

The hardest part about possibly going back to work for me is figuring out how I can juggle the kids and spend time with them!

Thinking of not seeing them all week just kills me and I give HUGE props to all the full time working Moms that have no other choice but to be at work!

I haven’t even went back yet and it hurts my heart! Ha.

Okay, enough about the hard stuff.

Today we were able to get out and enjoy the amazing weather together and we went to the Farmer’s Market, lunch, Starbucks and then back home to play outside!

Our favorite things to get at our farmer’s market are pumpkin muffins and fresh flowers!

Jaxson has been all about sunflowers this summer so those have been all we’ve been getting and I’m diggin’ it!

The weather here today is giving me all the fall like feels and I’m all for it by the way!

Speaking of Fall, it can’t get here soon enough and then I can rock all my fall girl faves with a side of pumpkin everything! Haha!

Also, I HAVE the cutest thing that Jaxson did today at the farmer’s market..

While they were playing with some other boys in the play house one of the boys said “no girls allowed” to Rowan and my little man stood up for his baby sis!

Jaxson proudly grabbed Rowan’s hands and told the boys “this is MY little sister!” almost like you all better back off because I got her back! haha!

It was THE sweetest thing ever!

Gah, I love the little protecter that he is!

He just makes me so proud every day.

I’m such a lucky Mama.

 

XO

Amber

 

Rowan & Mommy Time

Having three kids can be a little crazy at times, as far as spending time with each one of them and making sure that you’re not focusing more on one than the other and blah blah.

It’s HARD, guys! Haha!

Sure, with my first I was all about being strict and eating organic and this and that.

Then Jaxson came along and yeah I was still pretty much a crunchy Mom.

Everything was new and exciting still and I wanted to do it all!

Then came the third little sweetheart, Rowan.

This girl just goes with the flow of her older siblings and she gets all the toys that they had and we don’t really go out of the way to do a lot of just Rowan things.

I know that sounds terrible saying it out loud but she LOVES going along and getting to do all the fun things Mady & Jaxson do, and let me tell ya, the girl keeps up! HA!

So, with all of this being said yesterday we had a morning for Rowan!

I found a cute Mommy place that was hosting a toddler ice painting group!

The older kids stayed home with Greg and off we went.

Even though my GPS lied to me and got me lost and late, by the way (hate being late) I wasn’t going to let me walking in late stop us from this freakin’ ice painting for my girl! HA.

Mama was on a mission!

I sat out in the parking lot after I finally found it (15 minutes late) and got the nerve to finally walk in.

Mind you, I had no clue what I was walking into.

I wasn’t sure if I’d walk in and it would be super organized and quiet and everyone look at me like a crazy late person or if anyone would even notice…hopefully NOT!

Okay, so long story short we went in and it was so awesome!

Not super organized and it was very go with the flow and laid back just like we like it!

I awkwardly stood there for a minute while Rowan went off to check it all out and I finally just introduced myself to another Mom that was just as awkward as me, Haha, and it was her first time there too!

I felt so much more relaxed and okay once I was in there with Rowan and she was loving it!

The Moms were so nice and open and I wasn’t the only newbie so that was a win! Ha!

 I am so glad that I didn’t let my social anxiety get in the way of letting Rowan have some much needed solo time out today.

She had so much fun and was able to interact with other little ones her age and my favorite part was that it was just her and I.

We came home and hung her little painting on the refrigerator and it’s just the best!

I definitely want and need to make these things happen more because these moments are so precious.

XO
Amber